Cancer, dying, emotions

I am getting worse. The stress on my body is affecting my emotions as well. I have had two emotional outbursts that I wish had never happened. I understand it is normal with someone with advanced cancer and kidney disease, but maybe that's just an excuse. I long for the fruit of the Spirit - not the rot of cancer. 

The nausea and vomiting are getting worse. Right now, that is the hardest part for me. I rarely cry, but I have been crying on and off since last night. It was another night of all night vomiting, and I'm tired. I would like to make it to autumn. It's my favorite time of year. In February, when I was diagnosed with gynecological cancer that had spread to my peritoneum, and was causing malignant ascites, the prognosis was less that six months. I'm almost there. 

I have asked my niece, Kaytee, to monitor my blog and maintain my books. I left the copyright of my writings to my son, but my son and niece are executors of my will. My niece will post my obituary at my blogs, but I do not want my son or my niece to worry about the expenses of death - a funeral, an expensive obituary. I think I might be able to hang on until September, but I doubt I'll see another Thanksgiving. 

I apologize to the people who have been on the receiving end of my temper recently, and I hope that they will take the fact that I am sick and dying into consideration and not judge me too harshly.