Monday, September 19, 2011
Worst Movies Ever Blogfest!
Here's my list for Alex J. Cavanaugh's Worst-Movies-Ever Blogfest. They are without a doubt the worst movies, as Alex would put it, I’ve "ever had the misfortune to watch. Films that truly oozed awfulness and featured plot holes so big I could drive a bus through them."
These are not in any particular order, just listing them as I think of them.
HOT FUZZ. It may boast about its trailer; unfortunately, the movie disgusts. The plot was truly terrible, and the movie was poorly acted and campy -- and not in a good way. Critic Dennis Schwartz said it best: "overlong, filled with too many unfunny geek gags and pointless. It soon becomes tiresome, with at least two too many climaxes, and starts looking exactly like the films it's parodying."
BATTLEFIELD EARTH: One more reason to avoid Scientology. Disgusting, jaw-droppingly bad, laughable makeup, and the worst costumes ever created. The only positive thing I can say about this movie is it has John Travolta -- and it made for some great jokes. Unfortunately, it was the worst movie Travolta ever made -- and considering some of his movies, that's saying quite a lot.
THE ISLAND with Michael Caine. I never did figure out what this folly of a movie was about, but it had something to do with pirates. Unfortunately, none of them had the charm of Johnny Depp. I passed out from boredom and apparently drove home in my sleep.
Kevin Costner made one of my favorite movies, DANCES WITH WOLVES, but he also made two of the worst movies in cinematic history: THE POSTMAN and WATERWORLD. WATERWORLD was the last movie shown at the last drive-in theater in my city. It was so bad I was almost glad they closed the drive-in.
As a Christian, I waited two years for the release of THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST. I bought tickets the day they went on sale. I really wanted to love this movie. I knew it was going to be difficult to watch, but I still expected it to be uplifting. Instead, it was just depressing.
THE 9TH GATE and THE ASTRONAUT'S WIFE come next. I love Johnny Depp, but I felt like I'd been dipped in a bidet after watching THE 9TH GATE. THE ASTRONAUT'S WIFE just ticked me off and made me want to dip Johnny Depp in a bidet.
I hesitate to list THE NEIGHBORS with John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd. John Belushi lapsed back into drug abuse while making this movie and died four months later. I loved a lot of Belushi's work, and I wish this had been a classic, since it was his last movie. But it was terrible. In a way, I can understand why he relapsed while filming this.
STRAIGHT TALK with Dolly Parton and James Woods is my final pick, though it really should be in first place. This may be one of the most poorly cast movies of all time. I don't know who did the casting, but I can't help wonder if they ever worked again.
So, out of curiosity, which of my picks do you most agree with? And which one do you most disagree with?