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Monday, September 19, 2011

Worst Movies Ever Blogfest!


Here's my list for Alex J. Cavanaugh's Worst-Movies-Ever Blogfest. They are without a doubt the worst movies, as Alex would put it, I’ve "ever had the misfortune to watch. Films that truly oozed awfulness and featured plot holes so big I could drive a bus through them."

These are not in any particular order, just listing them as I think of them. 

HOT FUZZ. It may boast about its trailer; unfortunately, the movie disgusts. The plot was truly terrible, and the movie was poorly acted and campy -- and not in a good way. Critic Dennis Schwartz said it best: "overlong, filled with too many unfunny geek gags and pointless. It soon becomes tiresome, with at least two too many climaxes, and starts looking exactly like the films it's parodying."

BATTLEFIELD EARTH: One more reason to avoid Scientology. Disgusting, jaw-droppingly bad, laughable makeup, and the worst costumes ever created. The only positive thing I can say about this movie is it has John Travolta -- and it made for some great jokes. Unfortunately, it was the worst movie Travolta ever made -- and considering some of his movies, that's saying quite a lot.

THE ISLAND with Michael Caine. I never did figure out what this folly of a movie was about, but it had something to do with pirates. Unfortunately, none of them had the charm of Johnny Depp. I passed out from boredom and apparently drove home in my sleep.

Kevin Costner made one of my favorite movies, DANCES WITH WOLVES, but he also made two of the worst movies in cinematic history: THE POSTMAN and WATERWORLD. WATERWORLD was the last movie shown at the last drive-in theater in my city. It was so bad I was almost glad they closed the drive-in.

As a Christian, I waited two years for the release of THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST. I bought tickets the day they went on sale. I really wanted to love this movie. I knew it was going to be difficult to watch, but I still expected it to be uplifting. Instead, it was just depressing. 

THE 9TH GATE and THE ASTRONAUT'S WIFE come next. I love Johnny Depp, but I felt like I'd been dipped in a bidet after watching THE 9TH GATE. THE ASTRONAUT'S WIFE just ticked me off and made me want to dip Johnny Depp in a bidet.

I hesitate to list THE NEIGHBORS with John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd. John Belushi lapsed back into drug abuse while making this movie and died four months later. I loved a lot of Belushi's work, and I wish this had been a classic, since it was his last movie. But it was terrible. In a way, I can understand why he relapsed while filming this.

STRAIGHT TALK with Dolly Parton and James Woods is my final pick, though it really should be in first place. This may be one of the most poorly cast movies of all time. I don't know who did the casting, but I can't help wonder if they ever worked again.

So, out of curiosity, which of my picks do you most agree with? And which one do you most disagree with?

71 comments:

Murugi Njehia said...

I agree with you about the 9th gate..i guess i expected much. You have a lovely blog..im glad to have discovered,I am def a new follower. :)

welcome to my world of poetry said...

As I haven't been to the movies since the 60s I have not seen your choice, but reading about them I too would have been put off.

Yvonne.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Battlefield Earth is on my list. What a major letdown!

DEZMOND said...

Depp actually has more bad movies than the good ones, it's just that no one wants to admit it :)

And any movie starring Travolta could fit this category :) Especially when it is sponsored and produced by that horrid scientology sect :(

L.G.Smith said...

Whew, I'm fortunate to have only seen one of the movies on your list -- Waterworld. And, you're right, it was bad. :)

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Battlefield Earth will be the winner today I'm sure! Didn't care for The Neighbors either.
Thanks for participating in the blogfest!

Clarissa Draper said...

I didn't watch Passion Of the Christ. I don't really care for watching religious movies, most are just so inaccurate anyways. I agree with you on some of the others though.

Dafeenah said...

The only one I've seen or heard of for that matter is the The Ninth Gate. It was ok. Not great not bad just ok. The others I've either never heard of or saw the previews and avoided like the plague. Great list!

J.L. Campbell said...

I'm not a movie watcher, so haven't seen any of these. I've been around to visit a few blogs today and find I'm leaving the same comment. Haven't seen any of these movies. I'm such a dinosaur! :D

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi Murugi, it's nice to meet you! Thanks for your kind comments.

I'd expected a lot from 9th Gate as well, but it was disgusting.

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi Yvonne, I rarely go to the movies anymore either. I wait for Netflix... unless the movie looks too good to wait for... but that doesn't happen very often.

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi L. Diane, Battlefield Earth is making a lot of lists! I'm not surprised. That was a major letdown!

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi DEZMOND. You're right. Depp does make a lot of bad movies... and so does Travolta. This list could have gone on and on. At first I thought I would have trouble thinking of 10 bad movies (because I usually forget things I don't like), but in the end, I had to leave a lot of really awful movies off the list because there wasn't enough room.

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi L.G., you are fortunate to have missed these movies... well, all except Waterworld. I kept wanting to leave, but I just couldn't... it was the last night at the drive-in. It was the end of an era... what a shame the era came to an end with Waterworld.

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi Alex, it sure looks that way. It's been on almost every list I've looked at so far! Thanks for hosting this. I had fun coming up with bad movies!

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi Clarissa, I studied (still study) apologetics, Bible history, fulfilled Bible prophecy, and archaeology. (Archaeology was my minor at University.) (In fact, those subjects are what my videos at YouTube and my podcasts are about). It's not so much the movies that get it wrong... it's the programs on History and Discovery and the media. They have such a bias and an anti-Bible agenda that they can't cover the topic legitimately. Most people have never studied these subjects in depth. They come to their conclusions based on the opinions and false assumptions of others. But with that said, there were many inaccuracies in The Passion of the Christ, and that was another reason I was so disappointed in it.

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi Dafeenah, thanks! I usually avoid movies based on trailers... I often disagree with the critics. But the critics got most of these right... except Hot Fuzz. The critics loved it. But I thought the trailer was great... most of these had good trailers.

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi J.L., you sure haven't missed anything when it comes to these movies, but there are a lot of good movies out there. Just not these.

Elizabeth Mueller said...

I try to avoid most Depp movies--especially if they're rated R! Thanks for the list, now I know what to avoid for sure!


♥.•*¨Elizabeth¨*•.♥

Can Alex save Winter from the darkness that hunts her?

YA Paranormal Romance, Darkspell coming fall of 2011!

julie fedderson said...

Waterworld was bad. Couldn't finish it. And Battlefield Earth is just laughable. Great list!

Pat Tillett said...

Your list is almost perfect! Except for The Ninth Gate, they are all stinkers in my book. I have to admit that TNG wasn't a great movie, but I liked JD's character a great deal.

Christine Rains said...

I feel the same way about those Johnny Depp movies as you. I'm a huge Depp fan, but I was immensely disappointed in them. I actually kind of like Hot Fuzz. Though, I'm a Simon Pegg fan! (In a totally different way than I'm a Depp fan! *LOL*)

iZombie [2vs8] said...

kevin costner's work in postman and waterworld was great, now i liked postman better. i think he always goes for a deeper meaning in either of those films... wanting us to see the bigger picture. i enjoyed the idea of 9th gate and hot fuzz... they just never reached it's potential.
:)
i love bad/worst movies, these lists are tough!
jeremy
twothumbseightfingers.blogspot.com

Tara Tyler said...

those were some biting reviews!
and still, not the worst i've seen, tho pretty bad =)
i'm still trying to think of the worstest worst!

Tara Tyler said...

ps, i have an award for you!

Isis Rushdan said...

Loved your list!! I wanted to the Postman down, but my husband fought me so hard b/c he liked it. I caved b/c my only argument was "it sucked", lol.

RaShelle Workman said...

Great choices. Waterworld was horrible!

The Golden Eagle said...

I've never seen any of these--my list of never to be watched movies is growing fast. LOL.

Stephen Tremp said...

We both have Battlefield Earth, the clear winner in today's Blogfest.

Ed Pilolla said...

there was like ten minutes to fifteen minutes of waterworld that was good:)

Melissa Bradley said...

Battlefield Earth definitely is a stinker of the highest order. And The Postman. The mail, seriously? After all that destruction the first thing they bring back is the mail. Wow! LOL Great list. :)

Caledonia Lass said...

Good list. I agree about them all. The 9th gate... yeah, just couldn't get into it.

Lydia Kang said...

Okay, I have to see Battlefield Earth now to see why it's made it on so many lists!

baygirl32 said...

wow, there are so many awful movies I haven't seen!

Arlee Bird said...

The crucifixion of Christ has always been portrayed so cleanly in past films and I think The Passion finally got it right and was very effective in doing so. I'm not sure about the inaccuracies to which you refer--there were a few peculiarities for me--but overall I think Gibson got it right in his depiction of the story and the sheer brutality of the event. You rarely see this in any of the artistic renderings of Jesus on the Cross.

I'll have to admit that I kind of liked Waterworld and The Postman, but those two fit into a favorite genre so I welcomed them.

Good list.


Lee
Tossing It Out

Alleged Author said...

Oh, "Battlefield: Earth" how we were sad for thee!

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi Elizabeth, I have only watched a few Depp movies myself, but I think he's very charismatic. Can't really say I go out of my way to watch his movies though. Thanks for visiting!

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi Julie, thanks! Waterworld was hard to finish. I only stayed because I couldn't bring myself to give up my last drive-in experience. And Battlefield Earth -- what a bad joke that was on Travolta... Revolta would be more like it for that disaster of a movie.

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi Pat, thanks! I liked his job in that movie.... wouldn't mind having that job myself... but the satanic aspect was difficult for me to stomach.

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi Christine, thanks! A lot of people really liked Hot Fuzz. It got great reviews, and I thought I would like it. Unfortunately, it just didn't work for me. At all.

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi Jeremy, thanks! My son liked those movies too... I guess it's a guy thing. These lists are tough though. I can actually think of worse movies... unfortunately, I didn't think of them until I'd finished this list. The good news is other bloggers brought them up!

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi Tara, thanks for the award!

I hope my reviews weren't too biting. I really don't like to be cruel... but I just couldn't think of anything positive to say about any of those flicks.

Thanks again!

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi Isis, guys seem to like that movie. My son likes it too. I just don't get it. You're right, though. It sucked. lol.

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi RaShelle, thanks for visiting! Glad you enjoyed the choices... Waterworld... ugh... enough to make a person give up swimming.

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hello Golden Eagle, you haven't missed anything. Sometimes it's fun to watch a bad movie. Unfortunately, none of these fell into that category.

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi Stephen. Battlefield Earth had a bad day in the Blogosphere! Deservedly so!

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi Ed, I must have been dozing at that point! lol

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi Melissa, thanks! Poor Battlefield Earth... just when it thought the attacks had died down, the big guns have been brought out! And The Postman... what can ya say?

Well, besides stupid, pointless, and an utter waste of time and money.

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hello Caledonia Lass, thanks! Ahh, The 9th Gate... what were they thinking?

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi Lydia, yeah, I was afraid all this bad publicity would make the uninitiated curious!

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi baygirl32, I was surprised by how many bad movies I'd missed too! I'm luckier than I thought!

Jennie Bailey said...

Battlefield Earth made almost every list (mine included). I passed on Hot Fuzz and I'm glad that I did!

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi Lee, thank you for your comment.

I thought there were many inaccuracies in The Passion of the Christ.

According to Luke 22:43, it was an angel who ministered to Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane... but Gibson did not focus on anything uplifting. I was bothered by the sick, demonic aspect of The Passion.

Another thing that bothered me was the flogging. Gibson is Catholic, and I understand that he believes the Shroud of Turin is the actual burial shroud of Christ. (I became a Christian because I was convinced by the Shroud of Turin. The first time I heard about the Shroud was when my father was asked by an acquaintance to set up some equipment and software that would allow Dr. John Jackson to plot cross sections of geometric data taken from the Shroud. The data was then used to build a statue of the Shroud. The statue was placed on display at the Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs. I am very familiar with all of the research and scientific analysis. It has convinced me the Shroud is not only Christ's Burial Shroud, but it is an image of the resurrection.)

The Man of the Shroud was flogged with a flagrum. There were dumbbells on the thongs - and three thongs on the whip. The Man on the Shroud has 120 wounds from a flagrum... which means He was beaten 40 times... and only by one implement of torture. I have met Dr. John Jackson, one of the lead investigators of the Shroud, and I have spoken on the phone for hours with Barrie Schwortz -- who was the official photographer for the Shroud of Turin Research Project. Barrie and I have also exchanged numerous e-mails. Here is what Barrie Schwortz e-mailed me about the beating: "In the film, Mel had Jesus flogged with a scorpioni, a whip with hooks on the ends of the thongs. That was used to actually kill the victim and was NOT what was typical of Roman floggings when they only wanted to punish the victim, but not kill him. Jesus was flogged with a flagrum, that had dumbell shaped lead weights on the ends of the thongs. There are around 120 dumbell shaped wounds on the Man of the Shroud. Mel knew this was inaccurate but also wanted to be as graphically bloody and violent as possible, to impart on the audience the horror of the event.

Had Jesus been scourged as in Mel's movie, he would have died within a very short time and would never have made it to the cross."

That scene was inaccurate and sickening... and totally unnecessary. The truth of the flogging would have been gruesome enough. Also, Jesus was not nailed through the hands... the hands can't hold the weight of a crucified man. So that was inaccurate too... Especially if Gibson really believes the Shroud of Turin is authentic.

There were other things that bothered me, but those were some of the major things.

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi Alleged Author, yes... it was a sad, sad day for the beleaguered "Battlefield Earth"!

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi Jennie, I was shocked at the number of bloggers who had Battlefield Earth on their list... and most of them listed it as number one! HA!! And you sure didn't miss anything where Hot Fuzz is concerned! I was angry for hours after watching that!

Empty Nest Insider said...

Straight Talk is an excellent choice that I'm glad you reminded me about! You're right there was absolutely no chemistry between James Woods and Dolly Parton. I don't even remember what the plot was. Julie

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi Julie, thanks! There was zero chemistry there. I like both of them... but not together. Bad, bad casting.

DWei said...

I actually kind of liked Hot Fuzz simply because I remember laughing my ass off with my cousin and brother at how bad it was.

Arlee Bird said...

Thank you for taking the time to provide the additional details. I've heard and read various accounts on the event, but have not truly delved into specifics as you have. My point was that I think Gibson was attempting to illustrate more graphically the excruciating sacrifice made by Jesus. In past films, Christ on the cross doesn't depict the extensiveness of the suffering that He would have undertaken whereas The Passion drove the point home, accurate or not.

I agree about the demonic aspects such as the snake, the Satan figure, and the children with demon faces. But I accepted those as cinematic license to present something visually interesting for commercial appeal.

Any film on this topic will be fairly controversial since the subject matter is. There will probably always be disagreement about the way the story is portrayed just as there is disagreement about the interpretation of the Bible itself.
I think Gibson had good intentions with his approach and I though it was innovative. The film certainly caused a stir and made a lot of people think about the Jesus story. I don't know what the ultimate effects of the release of this film were, but if one is trying to tell the story with sincerity then these films should be supported.

Lee
Tossing It Out

Dafeenah said...

I haven't seen any of these but considering how many people have actually listed Battlefield Earth makes me think that is a good thing. Thanks for stopping by!

Ella said...

The Neighbors sucked, Astronaut's wife just pissed me off. Ninth Gate made me mad. I didn't see Straight Talk, but talk about the odd couple...huh?!
Great list~

Cynthia Chapman Willis said...

I haven't seen any of these movies. I tend to watch the safe bet movies that get big reviews and lots of buzz. It's pretty awful to sit down to a movie and find it rots.

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi DWei, I think that's why most people who like it ... liked it. It just wasn't funny to me. I thought the trailer had all the funny bits, and I'd seen it so many times that they were flat by the time I saw them in the theater.

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi Lee, that's so true. Movies in the past have really sterilized the crucifixion. I just thought Gibson went too far in the other direction. But I do agree that his intentions were probably good.

As you say, it's a controversial topic, and I agree, there will always be disagreement about the way the life, death, and resurrection of Christ is presented. But I avoid movies that stray from the facts of the Bible. In Gibson's case, he wasn't following scripture so much as he was following an extra-biblical vision of a 19th Century nun -- sister Catherine Emmerlich -- and her work, "The Delorous Passion of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ."

I am all for more good Christian movies being made, but I just couldn't support The Passion any more after I had seen it.

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi Dafeenah, Battlefield Earth has gone down in infamy... all this negative press will probably benefit it... though, for the sake of viewers, I hope not!

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Thanks Ella, that's exactly how I reacted to Astronaut's Wife and Ninth Gate... man they were awful!

And that was the oddest couple I've ever seen.

At least Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau were funny.

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi Cynthia, that's a good idea. I usually let my friends choose which movies we go see... doesn't always work out real good. ;-)

Tony Storm said...

oh god, not ninth gate

Doralynn Kennedy said...

ugh... ninth gate...

nice to meet you Tony. Loved your blog!

Paul Tobin said...

I liked John Belushi too but could not watch this film all the way through, there is something very sad about the way his career nosedived, you can see it with lots of talented actors. The worst film I have seen in a long tine is Melinda and melinda by Woody Allen, a terrible waste of resources.

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Hi Paul, sorry to take so long to reply... been unwell.

It really was sad to see Belushi's career nosedive and then see his tragic end.

I haven't seen Melinda... sounds like I was really lucky!

Thanks for your comment.